Monday, February 28, 2011

The 3 slizzie-teers

Warning, If you are a family member of mine stop reading now, close the window and forget about this. This is a blog about my experiences with women and includes graphic details that you would not want to read. The stories are true but the names have been changed.

This is a story about 3 slizzies I had over. I'll give a little background to start. I met one of the girls at a bar we talked and exchanged numbers previously. Not much detail needs to be pointed out other then the fact she seemed like a normal woman. For this story she will be named Michelle. Michelle was slightly out of shape with dirty blonde hair, b cup, and hazel eyes. She had a cute face but overall I'd rate her a 5/10. Her personality was her best trait.

A few days have passed since I met Michelle and I invited her over for some drinks. Naturally with the intention to get some that night. I am a man after all, I have needs. She accepted my invitation and said she was bringing her best friend Rebbecca as well.

Now, when a man has 2 or more women over this calls for a special occasion. There is always possibility of a three-some and other shit like that. (At this point in my life I have already had two three-somes but that is going to be saved for another story). So I call my buddy John and tell him the plan. John is a decent looking man with great charm and game, a lot like me, just a few years older and more experienced.

Michelle calls me an hour before she was coming over and tells me she is bringing a third friend named Gabby. I thought the more girls the better chance to get some, right? John comes over an hour before the ladies do and we start "bro-ing out". This includes playing video games and drinking. Bros being bros.

The ladies show up and I let them inside. Michelle is looking pretty, and her two friends are not bad looking either. Rebbecca is a skinny girl with blond hair, green eyes, no boobs but I would rate 7/10 on looks. Gabby is slightly overweight, brown eyes, dirty blonde hair, and fairly big breasts for her size, probably a C cup, 6/10 as well. I noticed right away they are really high, and Gabby is the most fucked up.

Naturally I start with introductions and offering them beer. We all sit at my table and start playing drinking games with cards. Rebbecca and Gabby are popping unknown pills throughout the game. Michelle asks if she can roll a joint, I said sure just smoke it outside on my balcony. She rolls it and Rebbecca and her go on the balcony to smoke it. John, Gabby and I are chatting up a bit. At this point Gabby looks really fucked up. This is the part of the story where shit hits the fan.

Gabby gets up and stands behind me and starts telling me how good looking I am and really coming on to me. She starts rubbing my chest and pushes her chest against my back. I move my chair to face her more not really instigating her to continue at all. Gets down on one knee grabs my dick and says you should take off your pants and tries to unbuckle my belt. At this very fucking second Michelle and Rebecca come in from outside. I have to admit It would look really fucking weird so walk inside and see one of your friends unbuckling the dude you are trying to bone pants. She flips the fuck out calling me and her sluts and walks out. Rebbecca follows and Gabby looks really confused and tries to follow. Now remember that Gabby is really fucking high and can barely walk at this point, needless to say she is unable to follow. I try calling Michelle but she just curses at me and hangs up. Michelle and Rebbecca leave my parking lot and pull down the street with Gabby still in my apt. I see a cop pull them over a block away. Gabby is freaking out because her friends ditched her and John and I are just looking at each other thinking what the fuck are we supposed to do with this bitch.

To my fucking surprise I see Michelle's purse sitting on my couch. I'm thinking yes this bitch will have to come back to get her purse and her friend. I call Michelle again, and some how the cop let them go, when they were drunk and smelled like weed. Fucking pigs don't do shit. Michelle picks up and I tell her to come back for her friend and purse. I help Gabby down to the parking lot with purse in hand. John stays in the apartment. I just want this shit to be over with, its 2 am, on a weekday and I have work at 9am. I give Gabby the purse and say "Do not give them the purse until you are in the car". Michelle and Rebbecca pull up into my parking lot and Gabby starts walking towards the car with purse in hand. Rebbecca, that little bitch, jumps out of the car and snatches the purse from Gabby and hops back in the car faster then I could even process it. They speed away and Gabby stands there motionless. I walk towards her and at that fucking second she faints. Hits the pavement with nothing to break her fall.

I run towards her and pick her up, luckily she wasn't bleeding. Jesus fucking christ. I pick her up and have her sitdown on a brick step. She screams at the top of her lungs. Now I have neighbors, I live in an apartment complex with at least 30 other apartments. I quickly try to calm her down, telling her that its ok and we will figure it out. Why should I even care, who is this bitch. I should just leave her there, go inside and drink with John. John comes downstairs I have him help me bring Gabby inside as I tell him what happened. At this point we are laughing about it. We get inside and John and I walk into the kitchen to do some thinking as we pour our selves some more whiskey. I believe it was Tullamore dew. Gabby tells us from the other room she is going to the bathroom. A few minutes pass and John and I are like what happened to Gabby. I walk towards my bathroom and see Gabby sprawled out on my bed. What the fuck is this bitch doing on my bed. She looks at me and starts to get undressed. I tell her to stop taking off her fucking clothes and to chill out. About a minute later she passes out on my floor. I am pretty exhausted myself, so John takes the couch and I sleep on my bed.

My alarm goes off at 8am I feel like a train hit me, what the fuck happened last night. I wake up John telling him I am going to call out of work and that we should just drop Gabby off at the speedline to have her figure her way home. I wake Gabby up and she flips the fuck out, where are my friends she asks, where is Rebbecca. I try to explain to her what happened and that we are going to drop her off at the train. We all go outside and are about to get into Johns car when Gabby starts crying, saying how she is just going to walk home and proceeds to walk away. Now I don't know why I cared, maybe I felt sorry for this women. I pleaded to her to just get into the car so we could drop her off. She finally gets into car and we drive to the station. Gabby tells us she has no $, so for some fucking reason I give her $5 so she can pay for the train. Why am I so nice? When we get to the station she gets out, slams the door and shouts thanks for nothing. What a god dam bitch.


  1. lol this was amazing! U def have some awesome people in ur life! ahah

  2. Wow... just goes to show... people are crazy and you should only help yourself!